You can't change your partner no matter how hard you try. You can't love him enough to make him stop abusing you. Only he can change himself or make the decision to stop being abusive.
The abuse and your failed efforts to stop it, erode your self-confidence, devastate your self-esteem and destroy your sense of self-worth. You become fearful, insecure and dependent. Everything in your life eventually revolves around your abuser, their moods and their needs. You become a non-person, and as such, you are reduced to existing as your abuser's "possession.Look what has happened to you! Your "failure" to stop the abuse and "failure" to resolve issues, has very likely set up feelings of helplessness within you because you can't seem to make anything better no matter how hard you try. As you keep trying, and failing, these feelings of helplessness grow. Your self-esteem is driven down and your sense of self-worth is shattered. You lose confidence in yourself and your abilities.
he goal of an abuser is control. They want you to behave only in the ways in which they want you to behave. They achieve this control with abuse.
The cycle of abuse is a huge part of your answer to How did this happen to me? For years, you have very likely been feeling that you have been going around in circles... not getting anywhere. Your feelings are correct.
You have likely kept on trying and trying your best to resolve issues and doing everything in your power to try to stop your partner's abusive behavior... and nothing has worked.
Nothing has worked because your partner doesn't want to stop controlling you
and abuse is his method of doing it. His abuse towards you isn't a one time " I'm mad" reaction from him. It is an on going thing for the rest of your life, if you let it.
Oh, we all get made or frustrated at times, but do we literally abuse someone on purpose? No....
Do we think about the mean and hateful things we are going to do or say to the person we call ourselves "Loving"? No....
But the abusers do!!!! Constantly.
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